I Dabble

I Dabble.

I dabble in poetry.
When the sun rises, I think it's night.
The stars are shiny pearls in my jewelry box.
Moonlight hurts my eyes, and fire burns like ice.
I dabble in love.
I know you're nothing like the day, but I can't see the night.
I only see the sparkles in your narrowed eyes.
Dark is forgiving, and your burns warm my ice-cold skin.
I dabble.

Opinions? Hate it? Love it? Want it to be hanged, drawn and quartered? Let me know! Thanks, guys. :D

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Mars
Review
Mars wrote a review · Thu Nov 27, 2008 4:23 pm

I really liked this poem! Mostly I loved the imagery. There were a couple things I didn't understand (it's probably just me :P):

When the sun rises, I think it's night.

I wasn't sure about what you were trying to say here--I interpreted it as the sun rising being something happy, so the narrator thinks it's night because she/he likes night. However, I only got this after reading your "Dark is forgiving" line (which, by the way, is beautiful).

The stars are shiny pearls in my jewelry box.

Moonlight hurts my eyes, and fire burns like ice.

I have no suggestions about this. I just loved it and want to appreciate it, especially "fire burns like ice". (The jewelry box line--is that to say that the sky belongs to her/him? Just wondering. Sorry if I'm reading too much into it, I tend to overanalyze things. :))

I know you're nothing like the day, but I can't see the night.

Again, it was a little hard to understand. From what I've read, day is bad, but the second part is a little confusing. (Can she/he not see the night because moonlight hurts her/his eyes? If so, maybe you could make that a little bit more clear?)

Dark is forgiving, and your burns warm my ice-cold skin.

I love this line! It's gorgeous. I also love how the second part goes back to the fire line I mentioned earlier.

One more tiny thing--the "I dabble" lines were a little jarring. I would read your beautiful imagery and then read "I dabble in love" and it didn't seem to fit. That being said, I love the headings of poetry and then love--I think they fit in perfectly. It's just that 'dabble' is a playful word, and this poem seems too serious for it.

Okay, I'm finally done. :D I want to say (one more time) that I love this poem, a lot a lot. Keep writing, please!



"Cowards die many times before their deaths; but the valiant will never taste of death but once."
— Julius Caesar