I Dabble.
I dabble in poetry.
When the sun rises, I think it's night.
The stars are shiny pearls in my jewelry box.
Moonlight hurts my eyes, and fire burns like ice.
I dabble in love.
I know you're nothing like the day, but I can't see the night.
I only see the sparkles in your narrowed eyes.
Dark is forgiving, and your burns warm my ice-cold skin.
I dabble.
Opinions? Hate it? Love it? Want it to be hanged, drawn and quartered? Let me know! Thanks, guys. ![]()
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I really liked this poem! Mostly I loved the imagery. There were a couple things I didn't understand (it's probably just me
):
I wasn't sure about what you were trying to say here--I interpreted it as the sun rising being something happy, so the narrator thinks it's night because she/he likes night. However, I only got this after reading your "Dark is forgiving" line (which, by the way, is beautiful).
I have no suggestions about this. I just loved it and want to appreciate it, especially "fire burns like ice". (The jewelry box line--is that to say that the sky belongs to her/him? Just wondering. Sorry if I'm reading too much into it, I tend to overanalyze things.
Again, it was a little hard to understand. From what I've read, day is bad, but the second part is a little confusing. (Can she/he not see the night because moonlight hurts her/his eyes? If so, maybe you could make that a little bit more clear?)
I love this line! It's gorgeous. I also love how the second part goes back to the fire line I mentioned earlier.
One more tiny thing--the "I dabble" lines were a little jarring. I would read your beautiful imagery and then read "I dabble in love" and it didn't seem to fit. That being said, I love the headings of poetry and then love--I think they fit in perfectly. It's just that 'dabble' is a playful word, and this poem seems too serious for it.
Okay, I'm finally done.